I’m Not Sending My Kids Back to School (Please Don’t Judge Me)

The schools are set to reopen June 1st, but I won’t be ironing any uniforms just yet.

I’m not sending my kids back to school in June.

I’ve made the decision not to send my children back to school when they reopen and it seems like I’m in the minority. I’m not overly surprised by this, but I am surprised by the amount of judgement this debate attracts in the parenting groups I lurk in on Facebook.

We’re all doing our best, aren’t we? No one is trying to deliberately cause harm to their child with the decision they make.

I’ve mostly kept quiet about my decision when it comes to public discussion. The parents at my children’s school are really lovely and I know they wouldn’t judge, but outside of my circles I’ve seen lots of hate.

Parents keeping their kids off are getting accused of not taking into account their child’s mental wellbeing. On the flip-side, those sending theirs in are getting blamed for treating their kids as guinea pigs and putting them at risk. You can’t win.

I think the time isn’t right for our family.

If you’ve followed the blog for a while, you’ll know Greg has spent a lot of time in and out of hospital with his asthma. He’s escaped so far this year, but he’s on lots of steroids and we’re technically meant to be shielding until the end of June anyway. On top of that, both me and his dad are asthmatic, and we gained a newborn at the beginning of lockdown. Our other family members haven’t even met the baby! It seems mad that the other school mums get to see her before my own mum!

Both of my older kids are in the year groups that are supposed to return. Emma is in year 6, while Greg is in reception. If we didn’t have the younger ones and only had Emma to think about, we’d probably send her back. She isn’t asthmatic and she’s sad that her final year of primary school is nothing like what she envisaged. I also believe I can trust her to socially distance.

The trouble is, I can’t really send the big one and not the little one. She’ll still a risk of bringing home the virus – even if that risk is minimised by safety measures and staggered start times. Mixing with anyone outside the household brings that chance, so why risk it with such a vulnerable bunch?

Overwhelming guilt

The worst part is, I feel so terribly guilty for making this decision. Originally I second-guessed myself about what was the right choice. After much deliberating, I decided it was, but it didn’t make the choice any easier.

This was Emma’s last year at primary and Greg’s first. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Greg’s introduction to school life was so short-lived. He was only just getting into the swing of things – a shy boy, coming out of his shell.

Emma’s farewell to primary met an abrupt end. No leavers disco, no signing yearbooks, no goodbyes to the friends moving on to other secondary schools. Not the end she had envisaged (but then, it wouldn’t be if she went back, either).

What’s best for us is to stay home and continue to home educate.

This isn’t a decision I’ve taken lightly. Home educating is a nightmare (I think we can all agree on that, right?) No one listens to me, no one wants to work. I have to pay them in biscuits, time on the Nintendo Switch, and promises of going on their stunt scooters in the driveway,. We’ve tried to get inventive. We’ve tried to make home learning fun – but ultimately, the kids are sick of us trying to teach them stuff.

I am not a natural teacher.

It’s even harder to home educate when you’ve got a newborn and you’ve working from home too. I stupidly opted out of applying for maternity allowance (I’m self employed), because it would mean I couldn’t get paid to review things that might be useful to us with a new baby. The application deadline passed and I did not foresee the global pandemic. Joke’s on me. Next time I’ll always assume a pandemic is just around the corner.

I understand we’re lucky.

We’re incredibly lucky that we can keep the kids off. My husband has started freelance writing too, which means we’ve got a bit of a tag team going on. Often we’re lucky to get enough sleep, or eat anywhere near mealtimes. It also means we’re working around the clock until Orlaith settles for the night at 1am for 8hrs of unbroken sleep (hey, it’s a routine – it’s just not a good routine).

I’ve seen a lot of parents feeling uncertain about sending their kids in, but their hands have been forced thanks to their workplaces. Lots of children didn’t even get chance to stay home because it turns out this country is run by keyworkers and we’d be absolutely stuck without them.

It must have been worrying times at the beginning of lockdown when they had no choice but to keep working and send their kids to school. The notable thing here is that the schools weren’t overrun with the virus. They’ve already mastered managing it, but sending my kids in still feels risky.

Can we try not to judge?

I’ve seen a lot of judgemental things on social media aimed at both sides of the argument. Do you really think parents would send their kids back if they thought they were at risk? Do you think those who are keeping them off are doing it lightly?

Parenting isn’t about agreeing with everyone else, it’s about making decisions with your children’s wellbeing in mind. We all need to be a little less judgemental, and if you don’t agree with the decision some stranger in a Facebook group has made, then maybe you should scroll on by.

We’re all finding lockdown a little crazy-making, but the Internet doesn’t need any more Nosy Nellies arguing with Shelley in Stockport about why she’s sending her 5-year-old back. The internet does need more supportive parents acknowledging that it’s hard for everyone right now and offering some reassuring words of encouragement. Please remember that before you reply to this article.

 

 

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