We go through many things with our partners – every life highlight seems to get overtaken by something else down the line! One of the biggest moments in our lives is having children, and I’m so proud of our young family! However, it wouldn’t be human if we didn’t admit to the challenges that come with kids, the pressures and distractions they can bring to other aspects of our lives.
I’m so fortunate that I have my loving husband by my side throughout our adventures. However, I wouldn’t judge those couples that have struggled to keep the spark alight following the introduction of children. I’ve got in touch with the relationship experts at Remainly, who’ve provided these ideas for any parents looking to keep their love life alive.
First of all, why does it matter?
You may be wondering, what’s the big deal? Toning your relationship down is the natural course, right? Wrong.
Not only can you keep the spark going between you and your partner after having children, but it’s also important. A happy, loving couple brings a positive atmosphere into the family dynamic as a whole, while it also sets a positive example for children.
Be Patient, but Don’t Delay
Having children can completely transform the dynamic of your relationship for the better. However, it’s not a coincidence that this is often the toughest challenge for long-term couples. Kids can transform the way you see everything, and you must give your relationship time to adjust.
From restless nights to hectic days, it’s understandable if your relationship cools in the first few months after childbirth. However, kids are a lifetime commitment, so any thoughts of waiting for the right moment to re-alight need to be reconsidered. Ultimately, you may need to change how you create romance in your relationship.
Waiting for a while after childbirth is totally fine. However, don’t wait too long, as it can become even harder to recover that romance.
Know Yourself
Children will not only change how you see the world and your partner but also yourself. The trials and tribulations of being a parent can have a significant toll on us as individuals, both physically and mentally, which can impact your love life.
If you feel unprepared to reciprocate your partner’s desire, that can be natural. However, these feelings are something you should discuss and look to work on, both by yourself and with your partner. Sharing your uncertainties, whether that’s with your significant other or a support group of parents, can help to restore that loving feeling.
Understand Intimacy
This point is vital. Yes, you may not feel ready to jump back into your pre-child love life after kids, but that doesn’t mean intimacy is off the table.
The general advice is that women shouldn’t have sex for six weeks after giving birth, and the reality for many people is that they need longer, both physically and mentally. However, intimacy must remain in your relationship during this time and going forward.
Simply enjoying physical contact with your spouse can make a world of difference in these early stages. Also ensuring that you express your love for each other regularly and make time to be together, even if it’s just a cup of tea, can go a long way to keeping your love life burning.
Talk About Desire
This point can be with your partner, friends, or just to yourself. While our priorities can change after kids, instinctive desire is still important, and understanding how to achieve this will help to keep your relationship burning.
Desire is different things to different people, and it can also be triggered in various ways. Understanding what does it for you and your partner can help to bridge any gaps created by having kids, allowing your relationship to return to normal as soon as you’re ready.
Don’t Fear Therapy
In many of these points, the answers are not always clear when you’re in a relationship, especially when you’re busy with children! Having an experienced guide to help pull you through these unique challenges can be a huge benefit.
Many couples are still a little squeamish about seeking therapy. However, in much the same way we are now able to talk more openly about mental health, the same can be said for our relationships.
If you’re uncertain, online relationship therapy can be a great option. Online counselling allows you to fit it around your busy parenting schedules, while it is also confidential, with everything taking place in the comfort of your home.
What are your top tips for keeping the spark alive during parenthood? Share your ideas with our community!