We’ve been in lockdown for around two months now, and it may be starting to feel somewhat ‘normal’, but it’s still so far from what we are used to. The coronavirus pandemic and the restrictions it has caused to everyday life is putting huge amounts of pressure on families everywhere.
It’s difficult for families of all kinds; being cooped up indoors, no school, parents trying to work from home or heading out to juggle being a key worker. And what about separated parents at this time? How should they be handling lockdown and splitting childcare between them?
The government guidelines
Despite some restrictions recently being lifted, leaving the house is still very limited. Only leave the house for essential travel; to and from work if you can’t work from home or work within certain industries, to get food or medicine, to care for someone vulnerable or for daily exercise. Aside from meeting up with one other person outdoors, you should not have physical contact with anyone outside of your household.
Despite initial confusion this guidance caused amongst separated parents sharing custody of children, Minister Michael Grove did confirm that children under the age of 18 whose parents are separated can in fact move between holdhouses during lockdown. This should be kept to a minimum but the terms of any childcare arrangement order you have still apply and should continue to be followed unless there’s any health risks.
If anyone living at either home is in the most at risk group or have coronavirus symptoms, then a child should not be moved from household to household. Just because the guidance says a child can visit two households, it doesn’t mean they have to. Changes to a usual childcare schedule should be made jointly and with good reason to keep everyone safe.
What can we do to make this easier?
This can be difficult for both children and parents, it’s important to consider everyone when making a decision. Depending on your situation, you might agree its safer to wait it out than to move children between the two households. My daughter’s father lives an hour-and-a-half away, and since we have a newborn and a very asthmatic child at home too, we decided to hold off visits for now (which must have been hard for him).
Keep up contact between children and parent – video chats on FaceTime, Zoom calls are all great places to start. My daughter started off video calling through WhatsApp but now has a regular group zoom call with her dad, his partner and his parents, so it means she keeps in touch with the whole family!
Another fun thing to do is organise quizzes and games for the child with their other parent, get them to practice a dance routine or a play to perform to them, keep them involved in everyday life. Emma’s a bit too shy to dance for them but I know she’d get a kick out of games and quizzes!
If your child is travelling between two households, you could share childcare by alternating weeks. If it’s possible, then each parent gets an equal amount of time with their child – plus it keeps movement to a minimum. Your child may feel a little more settled being in each place for a longer period of time (which can only be a good thing with all the uncertainty about).
If you have a less than perfect relationship with your ex partner, now is the time to put differences aside. It’s a difficult time for everyone – especially your children – so try not to put any extra strain on the relationship. Be fair, realistic and considerate when organising childcare arrangements. It’s important to acknowledge any sacrifices the other parent has made. It’s a difficult time and we’re all doing what we think is best for our child.
Find something that works for all parties. Children are dealing with no school, no contact with their friends, no trips to the play park, the zoo, the swimming pool. Their world has reduced to the four walls of their home.
For children with separated parents, not being able to spend time with both as they usually would could prove detrimental to their wellbeing, especially younger kids who might have trouble understanding. Yes, put health first, but don’t use lockdown as an excuse to stop contact.