This article has been developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
Teaching children is one of the benchmarks of parenthood. Although parents often find themselves stressing about reading, math, and academic subjects and how well their children are learning these concepts and building basic skill sets, parents may not take as much time to focus on questions about their child’s sense of justice, compassion, or morality. Is it possible to consistently and effectively teach morality to children?
Morality: a Basic Definition
Before we can begin a discussion of morality, it is vital to understand what morality is (and what it isn’t). In essence, morality is the distinction between right and wrong. Morality is in some places considered fairly objective, and in others, largely subjective. Most would agree, for instance, that murder is easily within the “wrong” category. Other questions are not quite as easy, such as social issues that continually plague politicians and public policy. There is not a single set of rules that governs morality, but are instead a basic framework from which to work, accompanied by the most common or widely-accepted rules of harmonious and appropriate living.
In some areas of the world, for instance, arranged marriage remains a common, acceptable, and reasonable practice. In others, this practice is largely frowned upon. Determining the moral standing of either party is nearly impossible, because it requires a ruling on an item that is not universally agreed-upon. By the same token, most cultures uphold mores that discourage lying and deception. When identifying morals and how they should feature in a child’s upbringing, finding universal morals is often the best first step.
Morals and Children
Teaching children morals can be complicated because children are not necessarily inherently moral creatures. Although plenty of literature suggests that people are inherently good or bad, the truth is far more involved and can vary from place to place. There are evolutionary impulses that are inborn, and there are cultural norms and mores that develop as a child grows older and adapts to their unique one and cultural practices. Consequently, morals must be taught to children, rather than expecting children to exemplify good morals as a matter of instinct or relative “goodness,” alongside existing and untaught perceptions and beliefs.
Although there are plenty of morals that are considered largely universal—not stealing, for instance—there are plenty of others that vary widely from place to place and even culture to culture within the same place. Naturally, children will have to learn how to adopt the morals desired by the parent, and may have to continually brush up on those morals when met with opposing ideas. Moral development is a complex issue, and understanding it requires a willingness to be met with nuance and adaptation.
Teaching Children: 3 Basic Steps
In any teaching effort regarding children, there are 3 invaluable steps that should not be overlooked, if you want those children to exemplify the practices, habits, and ideals you are trying to instill. These basics include modeling, repetition, and maintenance. Each of these steps can help drive the point home regarding moral instruction, no matter what articles on morality or moral sources you use, and can help children develop a sense of morality and justice.
Modeling
Modeling is the type of teaching that comes first in childhood, and is arguably among the most important ways to demonstrate how a child is expected to behave. In infancy, parents use modeling to teach children how to both use and read facial expressions. Parents also use modeling to demonstrate how to clap, run, walk, and talk. Modeling (or demonstrating) morality means upholding the same moral principles you strive to impart to your children.
Repetition
In addition to modeling, repetition is an important part of teaching children anything, including a moral code. Repetition can be completed in numerous ways. Flash cards is perhaps one of the most common ways to utilize repetition, but repetition can also include dictation, tests, and socratic teaching methods. When morality is concerned, repetition can mean asking questions such as, “Is it appropriate to be dishonest?” Repetition can also mean repeatedly creating situations that might evoke a moral response.
Maintenance
Maintenance is another component of teaching that is essential to teaching a child morals. Maintenance involves following up on and re-discussing lessons, ideas, and suggests that have previously been posed and subsequently mastered. In education, maintenance typically looks like having reviews and going through study guides. In teaching morality, maintenance might mean having regular discussions about the differences between right and wrong, regularly (and openly) evaluating your own behavior, including successes and missteps. In demonstrating that discerning the difference between right and wrong means taking regular inventory and evaluating yourself and the world around you, you can help your children maintain the lessons you’ve previously taught about morality.