It seems unfair that I should have to take anti-depressants just because there’s loads of morons out there…
… Is exactly what someone with a mental illness might say. I started taking anti-depressants again a little while ago, when I wasn’t coping so well and my thoughts were along the lines of the above sentence.
I was feeling very much in despair. I was angry a lot. At everybody. Stupid drivers in stupid cars in my way on the stupid road, stupid people who couldn’t queue or observe stupid manners, stupid people who looked at me funny in the street and made me cross.
My mum suggested that surely not everyone could be stupid. (In fairness, these people were all strangers, they could be brain surgeons for all I know; to me they all caused intense annoyance).
When the tablets started working they stopped everyone else being stupid. I was much less angry and in far less generic turmoil, but the plan wasn’t a long-term one. I was promised I’d be off them by this September. I’d take them daily, then miss days until I was eventually free.
The trouble was, while everyone else was getting less stupid, I was getting a little more stupid. I stopped having any sort of ideas. Not an ideal situation for someone who is at uni and in the middle of an assessment period. So I stopped.
I can’t remember exactly when I stopped taking them, but it was around the time I had my eyebrows threaded*. In case you are interested, this is what I was working with prior to threading:
The lovely lady also sorted me out for the best eyebrow pencil for my shade. This is what I ended up with:
I remember for the fortnight following my eyebrow threading, I felt elated. I was full of energy and having a million ideas a minute (maybe this was a mini withdrawal, who knows? Part of my original problem was all of those ideas that kept elbowing their way into my head).
At the end of the fortnight, things began to get a bit hairy – for my brows and my moods. I can’t pretend it’s easy being off my tablets; I think I’m still having a few mood swings from the effects of not taking them (it’s probably because I decreased the dose a little quickly), but I’m getting there.
I’m able to think a little quicker, so shouldn’t be too slow to write anything in my exams. I’m more tired, but I have a busy life anyway so it’s hard to be certain of the cause.
I’m going to keep having my eyebrows threaded and I’m going to keep plodding on. I want to start my next year of uni without anti-depressants because although they lifted my mood, they slowed me down. There was a week when I forgot to take them and when I resumed the dose I was wiped out for a further two weeks.
The pills did their job, but I’m looking forward to carrying on without them.
*Don’t stop taking psychiatric medication just because your eyebrows look good. Always seek advice from a medical professional – they might think your eyebrows are terrible and prescribe you a stronger dose!