Casual readers might feel a bit cheated by this revelation. I wouldn’t blame them, I’ve been catfishing you all for some time. I’m secretly fat.
I stopped posting regular fashion articles because I didn’t want the world to see my body. I remember a few months ago I when was heading to a blogging conference, I was worried no one would recognise me because I’m much bigger than my pictures let on. I felt embarrassed the people I knew online would see me in the flesh (all that extra flesh).
It’s not like I tweak my photos, or do any of those filters that slim your face along with adding dear ears and doe eyes. I’m crap at Photoshop and wouldn’t know where to start. I make the most of good angles and expert cropping. You see, I’m one of those secret fat people. It’s not easy to tell.
I’ve got a double chin, but it’s only small, so my jawline is only a little soft. If my posts show up in your newsfeed, you probably haven’t given a second thought to my size. Why would you? I look distinctly average. Completely unremarkable.
I’m secretly fat
Truthfully, below the cropped-at-the-shoulders photos I have flabby arms and belly rolls. I’m pretty rounded everywhere actually, and I’m a big fat fraud. This is what’s below that strategic crop:
Before the trolls come out, I’d better make it clear that there is nothing wrong with being overweight, that’s not my issue.
My issue is that I’m ashamed of how badly I’ve neglected my health and my appearance, while telling you lot how look after your own.
I’ve lied to you all about the way I look, while telling you to be confident as you are.
I’ve hidden behind headshots because I haven’t wanted to admit what’s below them. I’ve been embarrassed by my weight gain; not because weight-gain is bad, but because I’ve neglected my own well-being so badly that I managed to pile on 4st in two years. Yet I continue to put on a smiley front and tell you all how to look your best, while I’m not looking mine.
I should be ashamed for living a lie.
I’ve hardly worn makeup all summer, and all my best clothes have stayed in my wardrobe, while I drag myself around in what are essentially faded rags.
I have not taken very good care of myself for quite some time. I had got into some really bad sleeping and eating patterns, which I think has contributed to my ballooning weight and changed the way I look. My complexion suffered, as well as my waistline.
While I think I’m able to make the most of the way I look – whatever my size, I still want to make some changes.
I’ve been forcing myself to get to bed at a reasonable time. I’ve also taken control of what I’ve been eating and drinking much more water. I’m determined to feel good again, and with that, I know looking good will follow.
From now on I’m going to try not to hide. I’m going to wear makeup and my best clothes once again. I’ll share full-length photos on my blog and Instagram. I’ll stop being so ashamed of my own self-care, because I’ll make sure my self-care is tip top from now on.
Who’s with me?