Even though your children may love preschool, there may come a time when they become reluctant to go. Dealing with a child who is protesting and clinging, crying at the school drop-off, or refusing to get dressed because they are “sick” can be exasperating. However, before you consider changing preschools or pulling your child out altogether, it’s crucial to pinpoint the reason for the reluctance.
It may be a single incident with another child at the school, which can be addressed rapidly, or sometimes as simple as the fact that home life is more fun. Of course, it won’t always be that cut-and-dry, and that leaves you to figure out what the root problem is and the best way to return your happy child to preschool.
Reasons for Reluctance
With children under the age of five, a frequent reason for not wanting to leave home in the morning is basic separation anxiety. Independence is new and exciting, and sometimes scary as kids start to take their first steps without their parents right behind them.
As children become social and more aware of the world around them, stories and television may start to inform them that bad things can happen to real people. Kids may begin to fear something will happen to their families while they are away at school.
School can be challenging for children of all ages, including preschoolers. Learning to follow the class structure of playtime, lunchtime, quiet time, and group activity time can often be as stressful to a four-year-old as a thesis is to a graduate student.
Children with exuberant personalities may have run-ins with teachers when the definition of appropriate or polite behavior differs from that of their parents. A child who is reluctant to attend school because he or she is always sitting in time out may merely be misjudging a teacher’s tolerances instead of exhibiting a behavioral problem.
Attending preschool for the first time or transitioning to a new school is a disruption to a child’s routine. Kids have to adapt to new teachers, peers, and rules, and each child’s experience can vary significantly in quality, degree, or length. Shyer and more reserved children may have trouble making friends. They may feel lonely and ostracized because they think the other kids are ignoring them, and this might undoubtedly contribute to anxiety.
The first step to easing a child’s apprehension about going to school is to find out exactly what the problem is. It can be tricky to get a little kid to speak coherently about troublesome issues; fortunately, there are methods to help parents discover what’s going on.
Coaxing Forth Communication
Young children don’t have the cognitive and verbal skills of most adults, and so the communication gap can be significant. Kids can have difficulties grasping why they don’t like school or how to express it in a way that grown-ups can understand.
For example, a child who is afraid that the rest of the class thinks he or she is unintelligent might feel physically sick to the stomach. In the absence of other symptoms of physical illness, parents could relay a story about something that gives them “nervous tummies.” Children may have an easier time making the connection if a parent walks them through the steps.
Kids may also have a hard time separating good from the bad – if another student pushes them during recess, it could be enough to cast the whole day in a shadow. Asking a child about activities at school that were fun can help show that a singular unpleasant event doesn’t necessarily ruin the good times. The process of elimination could also shed light on the potential problem areas by “hearing” what the child doesn’t say.
Turn to the Teacher
When children are unable to verbalize their despair about school and parents have not been able to help them explain their feelings, it may be time for a visit with the teacher. Child care workers spend a great deal of time with many young personalities, often from widely varied backgrounds, and are usually pretty good at communicating with them.
An educator’s practiced eye can often distinguish interactions significant enough to spark emotion yet too subtle for a young child to understand, and share tips on how to help a child put feelings to words. A teacher may also be able to share a specific incident – failure to get to the bathroom in time, perhaps – that a child might be too embarrassed to bring up with mom or dad. Experts like the teachers at Little Sunshine’s Playhouse value the relationship between parents and themselves and believe that maintaining excellent communication from the first day of school may be essential to identifying problems quickly and correctly.
Transitioning from home to preschool and dealing with the often inevitable problems that arise in structured social environments can be difficult for both you and your child. Learning to work through the issues together may effectively bond you and your preschooler, lead to short-term solutions and build to life-long success.