The fact that most of us prefer not to think about splitting up the household means that we also try to avoid the topic when talking to our kids. This makes sense if you’re not planning on getting one but, if you’re currently in the process of giving your kids two homes instead of one, it’s vital that you know how to handle the situation.
It doesn’t have to be a difficult time for them, after all, as long as their parents stay positive and know how to make it as easy as possible for the family. Here is a handful of tips to help you through the conversations, making your family life just a bit brighter.
First: Consider the setting
Before you call your kids over, it’s important to keep in mind that this is something that will stick with them forever.
While science doesn’t really tell us much about how exactly we’re supposed to have the conversation, it does tell us that the moment a child is told tends to stay with them for life – no matter how old they are. While they may still have a great childhood and be as happy as can be, the moment will stick nonetheless.
This means that you, as a parent, has a lot of responsibility when telling them about your upcoming divorce; give much thought to the setting and circumstances before telling your child, and never underestimate how long they’re going to remember it.
Acknowledge their emotions
Before you get started on planning out the talk, it’s good to keep in mind that there is no definite way that your child will react to this. While some children are happy that the arguments and hostility at home have finally come to an end, others will feel sad and confused – and your job is to go into this conversation with an open mind.
Don’t assume that your kid will feel something particular or lean in one way or another. Every feeling and reaction is valid and you should be prepared for anything. Allow them to feel whatever they’re feeling at the moment even if it’s a bit confusing to you – and let them know that it’s alright.
At the end of the day, you would want to come out of this as a family who still loves each other even if the parents aren’t married anymore.
Remember to answer questions
You might have talked about your divorce with your friends, family, and your expert divorce solicitor, but your children will still have a lot of questions after you’ve told them. Many parents get uncomfortable around these questions and try to dismiss them by simply saying ‘it will be OK’ in an attempt to comfort them.
It’s actually much better if you try to be supportive of their painful reactions and answer the questions as honestly as you can.
That way, everyone has an opportunity to process their thoughts and emotions on the subject rather than letting it bubble up and seep out one way or another, later on. It’s the kind of stuff that ensures that each home is happy and in a healthy dialogue.