This post was developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
Interest in different takes on traditional relationships has continued to climb in recent years. Although happy marriages have largely been considered monogamous ones, increasing exposure to differing viewpoints has potentially increased national interests in deviating from this (somewhat recent) norm. Despite the interest in polygamy or non-monogamy, many people continue to question the value of polyamory or relationships that do not neatly fit within the label of “monogamous.” Is monogamy truly the best type of relationship to foster healthy and happy families?
The Origin of Monogamy
Monogamy is the cultural norm that has come to be accepted in western traditions. Monogamy is the practice of taking one spouse or partner, and only one, for the duration of the relationship. Within monogamy, stepping outside of the relationship for physical or emotional fulfillment is strictly forbidden. Monogamy is typically regarded as a union designed for either romantic and emotional fulfillment, or the precursor to starting a family, though the rate of both of these viewpoints may vary from culture to culture and even among age groups.
Some studies suggest that the origin of monogamy lies primarily within the principles of human evolution. As an evolutionary construct, marriage provides greater rates of child-bearing among women, reduces the risk of harm coming to young children at the hands of partners who are not fathers, and generally furthers the human species. According to this theory of monogamy, the practice of taking a single partner is vital to make sure that children thrive and humans continue to reproduce at the greatest possible rate.
Other studies suggest that the cultural norm of monogamy came as a result of women gaining social standing and economic means. Without the intense competition among men for wives with whom to procreate, the interest in polygamy or polyamory shifted, leaving monogamy as the primary way to engage in romantic relationships.
Whether the impetus for monogamous relationships is primarily biological or sociological, the question remains: is monogamy the best practice to sustain family harmony and further the human species?
Studies About Monogamy and Families
Because monogamy remains the primary avenue through which the developed world constructs families, the studies evaluating familial health and well-being in polygamy are few, and tend to possess small sample sizes and focus on different aspects of the family or specific parts of the family, rather than evaluating familial health as a whole. One study, for instance, focused on women and children in polygamous relationships specifically (rather than polyamorous or consensually non-monogamous), while another evaluated the effect of polygamy on men’s mental health. Still another focused entirely on wives within these relationships. In all of these studies, declining mental health was associated with the polygamous unions when compared to monogamous unions.
It is important to note that these studies focus specifically on marital relationships that deviate from the modern human norm of monogamy, rather than romantic relationships as a whole that utilize polyamorous or consensually non-monogamous relationships. This limitation could impact the results of these studies.
Is Monogamy Best for Families?
This is not a question with adequate information to adequately answer, but there are plenty of studies that confirm one thing: families thrive when there is plenty of love, support, and stability. These three characteristics can exist within monogamous relationships, but are not guaranteed simply because two partners do not seek sex or relationships outside of a single partner. These characteristics can exist in single parenthood, through a wide and diverse web of friends and family, and can exist within polyamorous relationships or consensual non-monogamy, as well—provided that those relationships exist within stable, loving, and supportive confines. Articles on monogamy can identify the issues specific to monogamous relationships, which may or may not include family harmony.
Although it cannot be said that monogamy is definitively the best form of pairing or mating for the health and well-being of families, unstable and tumultuous relationships are hazardous for families, whatever other forms they may take.