I’m in the middle of a weight loss ‘journey’, as people call them. I’ve lost almost half of what I set out to do, but why don’t I feel better about it?
I know there’s a difference, I can see there’s a difference (the photos above illustrate that) but it just feels as though it should be much more noticeable.
From the photo on the left (end of 2014) and the photo on the right (today) I’ve lost about 35lb – 10lb on my own and almost 2st since joining weight watchers, and of course I’m proud, but I can’t shake the fact that I have so much more to go.
I’ve half succeeded in what I set out to do, but I’ve also half failed because I’m not there yet and with a wedding to plan, it’s starting to get me down.
Let’s face it, weight loss is hard. It takes a while to admit to yourself that the weight has crept on, then more courage to seek the help you need to shift it. I joined my local weight watchers meeting and I’ve found that to be a great source of support. On weigh day I feel buoyant and inspired; if you’ve lost weight, the other members are genuinely pleased for you, they give you a pat on the back (and often a round of applause). If I haven’t lost weight (usually because I haven’t followed the plan and instead gone feral, eating everything in sight) the leader gives me the motivation to go off and do well until next time I see her, and so the cycle starts again.
What I can’t get my head around is why my shape on the way down isn’t the same as it was on the way up. Last time I was this weight I had a flatter tummy but bigger thighs. To me, that was in some way preferable to the pot belly, slimmer leg situation I have now. I imagine the 10lb 9 baby I carried probably has something to do with it.
I’m clueless as to what to do about clothes. The bigger clothing I was wearing hangs off and falls down, but the smaller clothes I’ve saved don’t look right any more because I’m weirdly lumpy. I don’t want to invest in too many new clothes because I’m hoping my current size and shape is just a stop along the way and I’ll be further along in my journey soon enough. This leaves me wearing what I call ‘my fat girl uniform’, the completely uninspiring outfit shown above: stretchy black everything, like a cat burglar.
I understand I’m not alone in this limbo. When I first started losing weight I was so proud of myself, all I could think about was how well I was doing, but now I’m halfway there all I can think about is how far I’ve still got to go. Maybe it’s because my weight loss has slowed a bit, maybe it’s because I need to go wedding dress shopping and I’m putting too much pressure on myself to be a certain size – I just don’t know.
Weight loss is a strange subject, it’s often covered in hindsight: once a person has reached their goal. There’s not a lot to read about the people in the middle, the people who like me, are still trying. I think the silence needs to be broken, so I’ve started by sharing my (slightly less positive) feelings. I know I’m not alone, I know others want to read about someone they can relate to. The ‘before and after’ stories will always be truly inspiring, but this was my ‘before and during’.
I’ll let you know how I get on.