For thousands of years mothers have given birth without a plan. Even now, plenty of births happen without a plan, or before the plan, or in a fashion that’s the exact opposite to the plan. So why does it matter to a bunch of strangers whether Lucy Mecklenburgh has a birth plan?
Evidently it does, otherwise she wouldn’t have made the news for being trolled about not having one.
Personally, I don’t think a birth plan is absolutely necessary.
I don’t have a birth plan, and here’s why:
Birth is something you can’t plan. If you could, I would like to order mine about 11am on a Saturday around the 39 week mark. I’d like it to be done in 30 minutes and pain-free too please. While we’re being specific, I’d really like my waters to not break in the car.
My general plan involves showing up, pushing a baby out and then going home a bit later. If any of those points don’t go to plan, I trust the medics to make a better informed decision than I ever could.
Most of the time, you can’t plan how your birth goes.
I’ve had a plan in the past. Nothing went to plan
With my first pregnancy, the importance of a birth plan was really hammered home. I was 21 and clueless. To some extent it did ease some of the anxieties I had around giving birth. That’s about all it did.
All I really knew was that I didn’t want an epidural (my sister had experienced problems with one and I was worried it would happen to me). As it turned out, I needed an epidural because I was put on the drip that speeds up labour and that can intensify pain.
The one main thing from my birth plan couldn’t be honoured. What’s worse was, the anaesthetist gave me too much of the epidural and my legs kept falling off the bed. They had to call a healthcare assistant into the room to hold one leg while someone else had the other. It was embarrassing, but my daughter was born safe and healthy, so it’s not the end of the world.
Things deviated from the birth plan, but the doctors and midwives knew what to do. I doubt my birth plan mattered to them. If you aren’t considered high risk or don’t want something specific (like a water birth), then a birth plan will make very little difference.
Your baby controls the labour room, the midwives follow its lead, then you do as you’re told.
If labour isn’t progressing normally, the medics will intervene. If everything goes smoothly then that’s brilliant, but it’s nothing to do with what you wrote down in the preceding weeks. You’re noting down your ideal situation, not putting in an order!
We need to stop judging mothers
My little rant isn’t to say I don’t agree with having birth plans, or think women should avoid them. I just want to express that it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have one.
Someone accused Lucy Mecklenburgh of encouraging others to be unprepared by allowing herself to be. I don’t think not having birth plan means anyone is unprepared.
Antenatal care in this country is really good and a lot of information is provided throughout your pregnancy. If you’re particularly anxious or have a lot of questions, there is always someone to answer them. Lack of birth plan does not mean your are uneducated on the matter.
I feel sorry for Lucy Meck getting so badly trolled for sharing her decision. Why should her choices regarding her child be picked apart by trolls and the media? Is it anyone’s business?
It’s unfair to say that because she’s shared her opinions publicly that she should expect a backlash. Mothers are judged enough on their choices, especially in instances where there is no right answer.
Why I don’t have a birth plan
The main reason I don’t have a birth plan this time round is because I’ve done it twice before. I don’t want an epidural, I’m horribly afraid of a C-section but will have one if it’s unavoidable, and I don’t want any special music or anything. I just want my baby to arrive safely by any means necessary.
Last time I gave birth I had no plan either. I had two paracetamol and just as I was about to renege on my self-imposed epidural ban, I was fully dilated and my son entered the world with a thud and an inquisitive look on his face.
In my case, I think even writing a birth plan would be a waste of time. Without strong beliefs or wishes, I can’t see any benefit in having a plan that is likely to change half way through. I just want to be looked after in a way that’s best for my circumstances at the time. I want my baby to be born in the safest way the doctors and midwives think it can be done.
Not everyone will do things the same as you, so be kind to all the mothers out there – we’re all doing our best!