Nope, there’s no typo in the title, I’m just fat and I’m miserable about it. The weird thing is, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being overweight. I see plus size models and I think they look good. Friends who complain about having lots to lose still look absolutely gorgeous to me, but I see my own reflection and I hate it.
I’m clearly not going to be in the running for any body positivity awards, but I’m not fat bashing. I hate being so big because it’s completely changed the way my life works. When I was thinner, I lead a charmed existence (and before you think it, I’m not saying I was gorgeous or amazing or anything. I don’t want to seem like Samantha Brick, I think I was just living the thin life.)
When I was thinner I barely ever opened doors for myself, there would always be someone nearby who would do it for me. Likewise with crossing the road, I would stand at the curb and look like I was ready to cross and people would stop to let me go. I would also get discounts. Being fat is expensive. When I was much less fat, people would produce coupons at the till to give me money off my shopping, on occasion the cashier has even reduced food items citing short date as the reason. I was nothing special, I think this is just how non-fat people live.
I envy the women who haven’t had a drastic change in their appearance. I don’t just mean the waifs that haven’t gained an ounce in a decade; I’m talking about the women who’ve always weighed in heavy and are just comfortable in their own skin. It’s so hard to reach a point where you’re happy if your appearance is constantly changing.
Weight loss is such a struggle. I was doing really well with a diet plan a few weeks ago, I lost 4lb in the first week, then half term hit and I ate my weight in carbs, gaining another 10lb!
I started a VLCD (very low calorie diet) last week. The first three days of these are absolute hell, you go through a sugar and carb withdrawal and you feel rotten. Once you pass the first three days you feel great and usually lose 10lb in the first ten days. I had managed two full days, I was so close. Then my tot was admitted to hospital on day three and I ate rubbish just to sustain myself ( I was up for 22hrs on the first day, I needed it).
So here I am, taking responsibility. This is me now. Excuse the obvious use of selfie stick, no one was around to take a photo of me wallowing in self pity.
It’s kind of embarrassing to post because I know I look so bad. By sharing this with the world (aka my one reader; hi Mum) I’m at least gaining some accountability. I am going to lose weight now and look back on this photo to see how far I’ve come.
I have the tools to do it. I have a free subscription to an exercise channel that I got in return for reviewing it. I have a wardrobe full of clothes I’d like to wear again which serve as motivation. I even have the food I bought for the VLCD to kick-start things. The only thing stopping me is me.
If anyone wants to join me Tweet me or message my Facebook page and I’ll make us a supportive little community on Facebook. Weight loss is so hard and I think if there’s others in the same boat it eases the struggle a little.
Wish me luck!