I know from TV that mums aren’t cool (case example: Beverly Goldberg). There’s a universal understanding that mums are uncool. I don’t know who noticed it first or how the news spread, but I got the memo and I’m aware mums aren’t cool.
I’m not cool. I’m not meant to be; I’m a mum.
Sure, there are some cool mums, I’ve even seen them (from a distance, they probably wouldn’t want to talk to me) but I know I’m not totally alone. My other mum friends talk about how they’re not cool either, I’m sure they won’t mind me exposing them as uncool too.
In case you were wondering how I’m measuring this, I have compiled a list of ways I am not cool:
I can almost get away with not knowing what ‘the kids’ are listening to these days, because I never knew. My slightly hipstersterish tastes have me covered, but I can’t pretend that if someone were to ask me to sing on cue that anything other than, “Hey, ho, swashbucklers go, take on the pirates, yo, ho, ho!” would come to mind.
I only wear good clothes on days other people will see me. School gates mums don’t count as ‘other people’ either, everyone is in the same (legging clad) boat at the school gates. Any clothes that are remotely nice are not to be worn a day I’m busy mumming. Reasons to wear nice clothes include (but are not limited to): uni, weight watchers, parents evening and trips to the doctors. Oh, the glamour!
In the past year I have purchases shoes solely based on ‘comfort and sturdiness’. They were brogues and they cost £60! Can you imagine? £60 for some flat, sturdy shoes! Ten years ago if my shoes were flat, they were £10 from Primark, flimsy as tissue paper and never to be seen.
I have masses of wavy blonde hair. It’s really long and on occasion can look quite nice. Of course, I barely wear it down. When I’m mothering I can only manage a top knot, otherwise my hair gets pulled by my toddler or dips in everyone’s tea or, after chasing a toddler, makes me so hot I could die. Now I only wear it down for uni to help me masquerade as a young person so that my friends don’t mind sitting with me at lunch.
I have no idea what people watch on TV these days. Big Brother? Geordie Shore? I’m not sure, if it’s not CBeebies then I’m indulging in my guilty pleasure of watching Australian dramas. My favourite Facebook page at the minute is ‘Home and Away Australian Spoilers’.
Is anyone else as uncool as me? Please send reassuring comments!